Let's join hands and Desexify Santa

photo by lewishamdreamer

Desexify Santa

NO! Do not castrate him. Metaphorically people, metaphorically.

Santa is a jolly old man. We shouldn't be making him f-ing sexy.

I don't want to know that your first erotic memory is watching mommy cheat on dad with Santa Claus. Pervert. And don't call him 'Baby' Eartha Kitt.

He is not some candy cane twirling sugar daddy. The man's a Saint for Christ sake. Saint Nick? Heard of him? Yeah, same guy.

In retrospect, we should've seen this coming. First it was Halloween with slutty vampires, slutty cats, slutty rectangles and nobody said anything. Then came 'prostitots'. And now this.

Well it's not too late for Santa. BOYcott any company with ads that make Santa a sex object, or implies Santa had sex, or will have sex soon.

Maybe this Christmas, just maybe, we can come together and show some goddamn respect.

Happy F-ing Christmas

Why do bad things happen to good buckets? (beware disturbing images)

Photo by pantagrpher

Did everyone see pictures of dead Momar Kha... Gah... Gaddafi? Damnit! Somebody tell me how to spell that guy's name.

Felt a little bad, but then I was like, 'hey, nasty stuff happens to regular folks all the time.' They never get their pictures in the paper.

Maybe we should feel bad for them.

Look at these pictures and feel bad:

Photo by emmarodelius

Photo by nicadlr

Photo by ilovebutter

You can't fool me Paul McGann

That's right British Actor Paul McGann, I recognized you on the bus.

You thought nobody would remember you as Lt. Bush from the Horatio Hornblower miniseries, but you were so wrong. I saw every episode. I own them on VHS and DVD.

And you know what gave you away? No, it's wasn't your part in Lesbian Vampire Killers or your piercing blue eyes--it was your stupid, trendy autumn jacket.

All movie stars wear them. It's how I recognized Gary Oldman while pretending to be garbage outside his house.

So nice try Mr. McGann. Next time you come to South London, dress the part. That shit doesn't fly here.

photo by pj_in_oz

Campaign to Fight Racism

I'm not racist. I have many non-bucket friends. But more is required. The world needs inter-appliance/inter-tool dating. Not just getting to second base dating either.

One time I stuck my lip in an electricl socket. I'm doing my part people. Now it's your turn.

photo by tomylees

I am not a number...

I am a free bucket. I <3 Patrick Magooan. I don't know how you spell his name. Unless I spelled it right. Then I do.

My favorite song is 'I'm your bucket,' often mistaken for 'I'm your Puppet.' The chorus goes something like this:

"Pull my little handle and I'll pour you some milk, I'm your bucket, mother@*&%IT!"

I don't know the rest of the words

photo by geminicollisionworks

I hate you Brave Little Toaster

Are you kidding me? That guy got a movie franchise. What the hell can he do? He makes toast.
The world is awful.

photo by alexloyal

Don't call them drugs

That's right people. We are losing the war on drugs because "drugs" is an adorable word. Of course kids want to take drugs. It rhymes with hugs. It rhymes with bugs. It rhymes with jugs.

If someone ever offered me drugs in high school I would have said yes, yes that word reminds me of hugs. It is fun and easy to say, of course I would like some.

Instead of pumping millions into a campagin that won't work, pump as little as 30 seconds a day into a campaign that will.

From this moment always refer to drugs as flabstoyginyars.

That word rhymes with Magyars. Kids won't know what those are. It's not easy to say. It's hard to abbreviate into something cute.

Flabbies? I don't think so. Stoygies? Already old person smokes. Yaryars? People are fucking sick of pirates and sick of you too Jonny Depp.

Noone will get flabstoyganyars tatooed on their arm because it's goddamn expensive to spell. (I also propose no standaradized spelling so kids looking to buy on the internet can't find reliable sources)

Help me help you help the world end its addiction addiction to giving awful things endearing names and together we can introduce humankind to flabstoginyars so we can get the world quit flabstoginyars.

photo by verifex